Unsettled thoughts.

It's been a two days since I arrived. Nothing much has happened, just a whole lot of unpacking and organizing my new room. It feels different – definitely, and I dare not say that I have fully settled down, but I guess it’s happening slowly.

If anyone mentioned that studying overseas is a great experience, it really is true. No, I’m not talking about the mere cultural differences or the disparity in educational systems – it really isn’t very significant over here considering the large Asian population here – but rather, the whole process of it all, from preparing yourself to moving in to getting used to it, it really is something I have never before experienced.

I used to have this idea that moving overseas to study was rather easy, especially when I’m supposed to live with my cousins – quite wrong in fact. You start to realize that perhaps a lot of things have been taken for granted. Even simple items like nail-clippers and combs have become something I needed to make an effort to get.

Walking into school today was a really great feeling; I am sure that the entire experience would remain in my mind for countless years to come. Two years ago, I visited the school while on a holiday trip, and here I am today, a student of that same school. Remembering the tour my cousin took me on during my trip made me go a little fuzzy. I guess it’s also the excitement in me that made it a really wonderful feeling. Even if it does not look as crowded or as busy as any part of Singapore, the school seems to emanate some warmth that made me feel rather comfortable. Well, whether or not this is going to last is something I will have to wait and see, but for now, I guess everything seems nice and friendly.

I suddenly see the whole ‘independence’ thing about studying overseas. Being independent isn’t just about taking care of your own self, cooking, doing the laundry, blah blah blah. It is this entire package that encompasses an unmentioned self-discipline that I never saw in myself – not that I see a lot of it now, but I’m sure that more if it is going to be required of me in no time. I am lucky that I already have cousins here who have lived here for some time and are have been really helpful.

I guess it’ll take me slightly more time to fit into my new environment. As of now, I still call back via Skype everyday to chat with family and friends. I really don’t know if doing this would only keep me shackled to my Singaporean life and hinder any (as of now, unseen) progress in living my new life here. No, I’m not saying that I ought to throw my past away and start totally afresh, and neither am I supposed to cling on to it and remain closed to this new lifestyle. Telling myself to find a balance between both extremes is easy, but as like any other of those easier-said-than-done advice, finding the balance itself really doesn’t seem that easy.

On one hand, I’m really excited at the prospect of meeting new friends, yet I’m very afraid of losing my friends back home. Not that I’ll lose contact totally, but I’m sure that a certain distance would be formed when two people are apart, and that distance is what I would want to minimize. So I guess it is essentially down to how much I want to minimize this gap.

Anyways, there really is quite a lot to think about now, but in a sense also quite pointless to do so. Perhaps given some time here, things would naturally work out to a nice balance and I’ll be able to keep a fair share of my past while opening myself up to a new life here. I suppose that all I can do for no is to wait and see. Maybe an answer would surface in a week or two. Just maybe.