Something in the air.

I think there is something about the air in Singapore in late December. It's really like the smell of Christmas or something. I mean, even though I haven't been home for most of the month of Dec (I only slept in my bed twice this month), I get this very familiar feeling - something from the years before. Maybe it's just the cool weather.

Honestly, it's not as if this feeling's anything really good. It comes to me like a big mixture of emotions, but nothing cheery at all. I mean, it's the holiday season and everyone's out having fun, but somehow this weird cocktail of emotions brings no high to me or whatsoever. Instead, guilt, regret, I don't know what else, seems to be lingering in the air around me. It's a little suffocating actually. Not that I can actually figure out why I'm feeling so - especially the guilt and regret part. I just feel so. It's like, weird.

I want to sit around, feel free, let everything off my mind, and space out. I want to be able to talk to someone about everything I want to freely. No, I do not need a listening ear, it's more than that I need.